CITY DWELLER
It’s my strong personal opinion that all families can be divided by a very simple value system – families that camp and those that don’t. It’s the families that camp that are also the ones who still get Santa photos despite all the kids now being 45. They organise family talent shows which they share on Instagram. Frankly, they make me sick. My mother once famously confessed, “The Parker Family doesn’t camp, bake, ski, or sew”. It’s obviously a ridiculous statement that could not be more revealing about who we are as a family. We’re more “antipasto platter and a rosé” than “baked beans and giardia”.
The rain, the terrible sleeps, the arguments with loved ones – I’ve never understood the appeal. “But Chris”, I hear you yell into the magazine, “think of the views, the connection to nature, getting back to basics”. There is a lot that people love about camping, and to those people, I would argue – are they really better than Eggs Benedict?
It may be because I’m a total casualty of the technology boom of the early Naughties, but I’ve never found the idea of throwing my phone away and going on a big long walk through the forest to be a great way to connect with myself.
All that free space in my mind not being occupied by Instagram and Tik Tok means I’m always left contemplating, “I wonder how many people have been murdered in this forest?”
And “What photo from my Facebook will they use for the news if I go missing?”
This is always immediately followed by “Make a note, Chris: take better photos of myself now in case I do go missing one day” and the instant regret that I don’t have my Notes app on me because I left my phone at home!
In a way, wandering around a new city has always been my version of exploring in the wild. Finding that great café that makes perfect coffee is as exciting as finding a water hole when I’m desperate for a drink. Why get lost in the bushes when I can get lost in the men’s sale rack at my favourite store? If you think I’ve lost touch, then you’re probably from one of those families that camp – and I’ve never trusted those families.